Posted by Kerry on Apr 19, 2009
Oak Bluffs Harbor
Welcome to Martha’s Vineyard! What a relief to finally see those words as you exit the ferry and land on the Vineyard from lands near or far. Everyone has the same feeling of excitement and anticipation as their vacations are about to begin. Also of relief, that the steamship experience is behind you and you don’t have to worry about it for another week… If you are lucky it’s 2 weeks or a month until it’s time to leave. Who needs the stress? The looks of exasperation and the head shaking in disbelief because you don’t understand the arm flapping and apparent airplane directions coming at you? But that is a post for another day. So, whew, you made it, you are here! Woohoo!.
If you’ve arrived in Oak Bluffs, you may find yourself looking around for a recycling container to dispose of your soda can or water bottle. This is, after all, an island, so you know we have them. Well, believe it or not, we don’t. Due to circumstances beyond my comprehension, Martha’s Vineyard is critically under equipped to manage recycling. At the height of the summer traffic, you will find the trash cans in town full of things that should be recycled. Plastics, cans, cardboard and other products that would otherwise have second lives are going into the trash because people don’t know where to put them. Also noted, these people are on vacation and don’t want to have to look for the proper disposal methods. In a perfect world they would be readily available. Vacation and effort generally negate each other, but I am appealing to you here to make your Vineyard vacation a mindful one.
The only town on Martha’s Vineyard that has curbside pickup is Tisbury, so to get recyclables properly disposed of, they have to be brought to the dump and sorted by hand. For most of us who live here making that trip a part of our routine is not too much to ask. As a visitor, and presumably someone who loves the Vineyard and is vested in seeing it remain a beautiful island, does making that trip have value to you? How about for the earth and for your children? There are many ways to show respect for the environment and honor what mother nature has given us, recycling is the begining of the process. It is the simplest way to have the most impact in the short time that you are here. Recycling is a way to give back something to an island that gives so much of herself. Be mindful this year, take care of your island.
Please feel free to write to the www.mvtimes.com with suggestions on how Martha’s Vineyard can get it’s recycling system up to speed.
Posted by Kerry on Apr 13, 2009
How do you find balance in your work and love life, when you work with your love life? Partnerships are hard enough without throwing in any emotional entanglements…so how do people do it? After much trial and error, I’ve developed some insight.
My husband and I both have home offices in different parts of the house. The work/life overlap has always existed to some degree, but took on a much sharper edge when we started a major project together last year. It was an exciting opportunity, and our early business meetings and brainstorming sessions were filled with laughter and intensity. Similar in many ways to the beginning of an infatuation, or our relationship!
Due to the nature of the project, I think we were both under the impression that our partnership was experimental and would be short lived. We were developing some real estate and it would not be in our hands for long. We designed a house together and developed a marketing plan. If things went well we would look for another opportunity and try to do it again.
That was well over a year ago, and there is no end in sight. We have had to reevaluated the entire scope of the project, and the plan has been revised to where we are starting from square one. Of course there are extenuating circumstances, but nonetheless this business of ours became larger than what we were able to keep in perspective. In other words, I became resentful that my husband would only talk business to me, and he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more interested in our business!
We both have our other jobs as well as this business together. We also have the most delightful 7 year old daughter, and many other responsibilities that need time and discussion. What was happening to us was we would discuss this particular project at every single opportunity, to the exclusion of the rest of our lives. When we had a free 15 minutes, we talked about the house, or land, or sale or whatever stage it was labeled at that moment.
As busy parents with busy lives, it can be hard to find balance with work and home. Adding this whole other element, working together, and the first thing to go was the intimacy in our relationship. The time that we had to talk about us, and take care of us, was sacrificed for talking about business. Its tricky because the illusion is that you are communication, but the content is missing.
Finding balance is a goal that requires effort, but identifying where you have lost your footing is the hard part. When I no longer have the stomach to talk about this project with my husband, I know that I have lost my perspective and we are out of balance. When my relationship is in balance, everything else seems to flow along with it. I want to love the work and love the partner!
As we start this next phase of our project, a LEED certified home on our property(woohoo!!!), we are on the same page emotionaly as well as with the business end of things. The foundation for our success in working together as a team is set, because the balance of our family lives has been identified and re-set. It may be a see-saw, or some funky couples yoga pose, but each is available to balance the other. And if one sways, the other will steady.
Posted by Kerry on Mar 14, 2009
I have been coming to Martha’s Vineyard since I was 12. I met my husband when we were 13, and we have known each other for more than 30 years. We have mutual friends that we have known for the same length of time, and in the summertime you could pull out photos of any summer over those 30 years and see many of the same faces smiling back at you.
This place is magical. Not only do we have the glorious scenery, weather and community, but we get to know each other intimately without prejudice.
One of the bonuses to city living that I had not identified until I actually moved here was being able to circulate anonymously and selectively choose when and where I wanted to interact. It had not occurred to me that I used this as a tool, a way to keep people a arms length and myself safe. When you live in a small community, you don’t have the option of not engaging. You don’t get to not speak with the person who delivers the mail, because you actually have to pick it up and ask for it yourself.
Your doctor or you child’s doctor may be sitting next to you at dinner and with a nod, the recognition is acknowledged and confirmed for all to see. There are a number of hairdressers on the Vineyard, but the sanctity of those relationships are compromised by the fact that everybody knows everybody, and they either saw you go in, saw you come out, or were actually there to witness you with the foil in your hair. If you need some professional services of a more intimate nature, don’t despair, you will run into someone you know!
It takes some getting used to, and my cautious city ways are slowly leaving me. Though I am blessed with many new friends and am learning about people whom I may not otherwise have been exposed to, I find myself grappling with a feeling of complete exposure. Of life in a small town, where everybody knows me and I feel openly vulnerable and transparent. I have never felt the need to hide anything about myself , what I stand for, value, or who I am, but, there remains an inherent instinct to protect myself. I’d start a self-help group for people with my condition, but there is not a chance of anonymity. So, I am here learning to live and let go, and enjoying the process of allowing new experiences and people in my life. Its not for everyone, and I didn’t think it was for me but we surprise ourselves.
So ultimately, this fishbowl has all the components of a thriving, self sustained environment, without any of the polution, noise or overpopulation of city life. I am so lucky.
Friends At The Beach
